When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
