Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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