My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
