birth control should be required to get into college
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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