Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
