how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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