I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
