Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
