isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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