I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
