he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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