No awkward lesbian experiences without me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
