we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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