stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Girls should come with a carfax report
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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