I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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