Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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