the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
