i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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