words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
