wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
