I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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