So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
