I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
