I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
