Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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