I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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