remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
