the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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