your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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