Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
