I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
