your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
