If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
