Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
