a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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