oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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