how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
