and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
