I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
