He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
