If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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