My cat gives me a boner
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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