dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
