I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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