after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Someone shattered a urinal.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
