remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
