i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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