Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
