sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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