my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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