I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
